War Pigs: An Antiwar Skit

WAR PIGS - an anti-war skit performed at the Oct. 11, 2010 anti-war protest in Duluth, MN.

Characters: Uncle Sam, War Pig #1, War Pig #2, Iraqi, Afghani, American Soldier, American Taxpayer, Library, City Street, Evicted Homeowner, City Worker #1, City Worker #2 

SCENE 1 - War Makes Wall Street Happy: Complaining about their bottom lines, some Wall Street types dressed up with pig masks ("War Pigs") go to Uncle Sam and suggest that he launch some wars.  Uncle Sam then invades Afghanistan and Iraq, and the War Pigs get rich off of the defense spending, reconstruction contracts, ripping off Iraqi and Afghan resources.  This will be dramatized by Uncle Sam and the War Pigs beating up actors posing as Iraq, Afghanistan, the American soldier and the American tax payer.

 (Uncle Sam & the War Pigs walk to the center of the stage and begin talking)

War Pig #1: Well, well, well, if it isn't our buddy Uncle Sam!  How'd you like that last election, where we contributed almost a billion dollars to your campaign?  Not a bad chunk of change, eh?  But now what are you going to do for us?

Uncle Sam: Hmmm . . . I do owe you guys.  I know!  I'll start a couple of wars for you fellahs - lets say, over in Iraq and Afghanistan.  They're just a bunch of Muslims anyway.  That way you guys can get billions off of defense contracts to blow everything up, and then billions more to rebuild it afterwards!  Plus, there's oil over there.

War Pig #2:  Not bad, Uncle Sam.  That sounds like a good plan, as long as we don't have to really rebuild anything over there!

(The War Pigs step off to the side of the stage, while the American Soldier and the American Taxpayer step towards Uncle Sam)

Uncle Sam: Hey you, American soldier, get your butt overseas and kill some Muslims!  And hey you, American tax payer - empty those pockets!

(Uncle Sam kicks both the soldier and the taxpayer in the keister, then he goes and kicks actors portraying Iraqis and Afghans - all while the War Pigs eagerly rub their hands together.  Then as the scene ends Uncle Sam and the War Pigs begin to laugh maniacally.)  -SCENE ENDS 

SCENE 2 - War Makes Main Street Cry: To keep the money flowing to Wall Street, Uncle Sam puts the screws on local governments to cut social services to free up revenue.  This will be dramatized by actors dressed up like closed down libraries, a street in desperate need of repairs, and people being evicted from cardboard homes.

(Uncle Sam and the Wars Pigs stand in the center of the stage and talk)

War Pigs:  Gee, Uncle Sam, these wars are great for business, but the flow of dollars is starting to dry up a bit - what are you going to do to keep things rolling?

Uncle Sam:  Hmmm . . . I was afraid of this.  But no worries brothers, there's plenty of fat to cut to keep these wars rolling smoothly!

(The War Pigs step off to the side, while the actors representing social services, etc. step forward, and a cardboard house is set up near the center of the stage with the homeowner actor inside.)

Uncle Sam: We don't need all these libraries, and they certainly don't need to be open the whole day.  Too much fancy book learnin' makes the citizenry uppity and ornery, anyway!

(Uncle Sam kicks the actor portraying a library in the butt)

Uncle Sam: And why do we need to spend all of this money on bridge and street repairs?  We've duped most folks into drivin' SUVs these days anyway, so it' not like we've got to pamper these roads - it's time folks finally put that 4 wheel drive option into use!

(actor portraying pot holed city streets steps forward and with a sad face points to all of the holes - then actor steps back to the sidelines)

Uncle Sam: And for crying out loud, last I checked there wasn't anything about a right to housing in the constitution - it's time to homeowners to do their patriotic duty and eat it!

(Uncle Sam starts kicking the cardboard houses, and the inhabitants crawl out and off to the side while moaning and griping.  At this sight the Wars Pigs and Uncle Sam again start to laugh maniacally)    -SCENE ENDS 

SCENE 3 - Auctioning Off City Hall: Eventually the cuts get so bad that Uncle Sam decides to auction off City Hall to pay for the war.  An auction will be held, in which the War Pigs do the bidding.  To make the City Hall a more attractive purchase, city workers and actors representing city services will be pushed aside and privatized.  But then, just as City Hall is about to be auctioned off, agitators in the crowd step forward and intervene.  The denounce the proceedings, and rally the crowd to stand up and shout down Uncle Sam and the War Pigs, and demand that our resources go to human needs, not war. 

(Uncle Sam stands in the middle of the stage rubbing his chin, talking to himself, while the War Pigs stand off to the side)

Uncle Sam: Mo money, mo money, gots to get me so mo money for my wars!  Taxpayers are tapped out, the Iraqis and Afghans are tapped out.  We've cut social services to the bone.  Hmmm . . . I know, I'll auction off City Hall!  Hmmm . . . but first I'll need to kick out those free loading union city workers if I'm going to find a buyer for it.

(Some actors with signs that say city workers casually walk by.  Uncle Sam grabs them by the collars and throws them to the side of the stage, and then kicks them in the butt.)

Uncle Sam:  There, now we can sell City Hall!

(Uncle Sam puts on a sign that says "auctioneer", and starts suggesting prices for the sale of City Hall in an auctioneers manner while the War Pigs raise index cards to place their bids.  Then all of a sudden the Agitator steps forward from the crowd and interrupts the auction.)

Agitator: Wait a minute!  Enough is enough of this garbage!  We can't let them auction off City Hall - they're destroying our communities, and just so that the War Pigs can keep getting rich, and make contributions to election campaigns!  If these wars are going to be stopped, it's not going to be through the bought off politicians - it's going to have to be us!  We've got to step up to the plate, roll up our sleeves and raise our voices.  Come on, everyone, join me in saving our community from these War Pigs.  Join me in saying: "Money for Jobs & Education, Not for War & Occupation!  Money for Jobs & Education, Not for War & Occupation!  Money for Jobs & Education, Not for War & Occupation!"

THE END!